A New Year, But I’m Resolving to Stay Exactly the Same

A lot of people I don’t really like broadcast the New Year as an opportunity for self-betterment. They optimistically say that because there’s been some earth rotation, they’re going to shake up their boring lives and start eating more whole grains.
Well, listen you naive little darlings, that’s fine for you. Maybe there’s a lot wrong in your life. Maybe you really do need to learn how to drive stick or count your blessings, or your stocks, or just count in general. But not me.

It’s not that I’m perfect (although by some accounts, or according to former boyfriends, I’m nearly* perfect, not quite perfect enough, but then I was never enough, was I??). Rather, it’s that I don’t see the point of trying to change in real, significant ways just because the calendar re-starts. I think transformation is more of a March 3rd thing than a January 1st thing anyways.

I make promises and vows throughout the calendar year, and so I’m constantly disappointed in myself. I promised myself way back in October I’d try not to cry at my desk anymore, but I find it’s difficult being heartbroken and productive at the same time. You try formatting an excel doc while listening to youtube covers of Cat Power.

My resolutions this year weren’t designed to make my life any more presentable to the outside mother, but instead were things I’ve only just now thought might be fun. For instance:

I would like a caffeine habit.
I wouldn’t mind finally joining the whole Angry Birds phenomenon.
Same with Words With Friends.
Are there other iPhone games worth investing some time in?
I’d like to be more into twitter, and maybe more selective with Facebook friends.
I want to get better at shoplifting small items that are overpriced anyways.
I will always carry quarters.
Whiskey?
Socks.

I’m fairly certain the man in the pirate hat who is helping himself to some free agave nectar at this local coffee shop appreciates my light-hearted approach to the New Year. I’m also pretty certain that these are things I will do, or at least try, mostly because I want to.

The prospect of another year on this intense planet can be pretty intimidating. Another year of promises and expectations; of trying and failing; of failed peace treaties; sad hearts; stale bread. But I say, in the meantime, I can at least start every morning with Venti Caramel Latte extra foam and a clove cigarette.

I’m totally kidding about the cigarette.